“Be yourself” is always good advice, but it’s especially relevant when it comes to dating. First, you don’t want to have a conversation with someone over Tinder pretending to be someone you’re not; you’d be attracting the wrong person. Second, being yourself is the best way to stand out from the crowd.
“The important thing about your message is that it contains the essence and energy of you,” Moore said. “People are experiencing very high levels of dating app fatigue these days, and they feel like it’s just the same old boring people on dating apps over and over again. They’re craving individuality, someone that stands out, and someone who actually wants to get to know them as a person, not just as a potential number.”
By being authentic, you’re helping yourself identify a better match while increasing your chances at making an impression. “I ended up attracting my husband on Tinder, and he is deep and intense, too, and absolutely loved the energy from my profile and our conversations right away.”
Bring the Conversation Off Tinder
As much preparation as you’re putting into your Tinder messages, your goal should be to talk to your match through another medium as soon as possible. “I’m a big believer in using dating apps just to establish an initial connection and then jumping to an in-person or over-the-phone conversation ASAP,” Moore said. “We’re all busy and we simply don’t have time for two-week-long dating app conversations that ultimately go nowhere.” By meeting in person or talking over the phone, you’ll be able to see if you actually like your match, if you have that spark.
Moore suggested changing your mindset on how you use the apps. Imagine that you met the person you’re messaging at a bar instead of on Tinder. “You would likely get their number or give them yours, and then hopefully go on a date quickly,” Moore explained. “If someone took your number at a bar and then messaged you back and forth for a few weeks without asking you out, you would think they weren’t that serious, and it’s the same thing with online dating.”
Send the First Message
This is a major game-changer: Don’t wait for your match to message you. Sometimes we feel like there are unspoken social codes about who should message first and what it all means, but if you want to get to know someone, you have to start the conversation.
“Remember that all great love stories start with one thing: a date,” Moore said. “You can’t have the epic romance, the crazy dating adventures, the meaningful connections you’re seeking without first getting to a date, and that’s what dating apps are all about.” Whether you’re new to dating or a pro, it can seem intimidating to send a message to a stranger. But, you have to send the message if you want to end up hanging out with your match.
Not every message will be the start of an electric conversation, but that’s okay. As you get better at noticing the small details in profiles, sharing the things that make you unique, and moving the conversations off of the dating app, you’ll find (at least) one person who matches what you’re looking for. “Love is like a boomerang,” Moore said. “If you send out the energy it will come back to you over time. So, be brave and take the risk.” No matter the reason you’re on dating apps, your first message matters and can help you get whatever it is you’re swiping for.